As finals are coming up, and deadlines for projects approach along the horizon, I have found that I am guilty of procrastination on so many levels.

Procrastinating occurs through habit, mindless action, and/or intentional avoidance of responsibility. Whether watching a late night show of celebrities doing peculiar acts, reading blog posts, or surfing Facebook on the latest memes or doggo content, I've found procrastinating to be focused on activities that have some to little/no value in the moment.

And the sad thing is that this act of keeping things to be done at the last minute is something that happens sometimes too naturally, and it brings about many unfortunate nasty side effects in life: A lack of awareness, a drunken attitude through sleep deprivation, and a feeling of regret after countless hours of "one-of-a-kind" cat videos on Youtube or Tasty food tutorials. All those precious hours that could've been put to good use splashed and splattered onto the ground just to flow down the drain of wasted time. All because of a desire for temporary entertainment or momentary enjoyment.

And yet I still do it.

I've realized that all of this comes not from inability to do things (at least I hope). If I procrastinated because of an inability to work, then I must be cheating in life since I've somehow survived till my 2nd year of college not knowing what I'm doing, or I just haven't been exposed yet for lacking in expertise in what I do and I will experience the repercussions once I go out into the "real world" with a job.

Rather, it must be because of a lack of motivation or desire for me to pursue something.

I've found that in activities that I see a purpose in, such as creating a project at a hackathon, sharing about my faith to others, or working on a meaningful group activity with friends, I know that what I'm doing is for a greater cause and there are people other than me who will be affected if it doesn't get accomplished. Though there is inherently some glory that goes to me, there is greater importance that someone else will benefit or will not fall when the project is finished.

There is this sense of urgency.

I want to change for that. I want to sense that urgency, but I find that change is hard to enforce sometimes. A change means being uncomfortable. It means work. It means having to break away from a passive life. And it means I have to take action in my life and do something about it.

Maybe that's why I procrastinate. I don't feel that urgency in the moment. I am not looking at the root of my intention in why I procrastinate. I am focusing too much on satisfying my own desires for the short-run rather than preparing myself to reap the benefits that come from enduring the work that will blossom in the long-run.

My hope is that as time goes by, I will see the value in these things I do for the long-run, for what I'm called to do as a student. I hope that I can envision this greater mission and purpose behind the tasks I have to do rather than getting sidetracked by the little menial activities that may sidetrack me. Because I don't want to waste away my life on things that have no meaning. I don't want to just survive day by day on the end of a stressed piece of thread, that could break any moment.

I want to live.

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Anyways, I better go do some work now. As of the time I finish writing up this blog post, I am ironically holding off on working on a presentation for a final project and stalling from studying for the sea of exams I will be facing within the next few weeks. (What a hypocrite lol).

Good luck with any final projects or exams any of you guys have and remember: procrastinate responsibly!