Have you ever been in a moment where you've had so many events, exams, and assignments all packed together that you don't even get a chance to breathe, rest, or think?
That's what happened last semester for me.
Running this way and that, I was always on a nonstop pace in order to go to meetings at the Panda Express Union, or participate at an entrepreneurial event downtown, or hole up in the Incubator to finish some Graphics project - to preoccupy my mind and always busy myself.
I had grown up in an environment where doing a lot of things was something people admired. "Wow, you're doing this, this, and that. I see you traveling. You have your whole life together!" And I agree, initially, whenever I heard that from other people, I felt some sort of affirmation. It made sense. Everyone was doing it and I enjoyed it.
But as time went on, what once was a few streams of tasks that I could manage well eventually became a forceful river that flooded my mind. Hit wave after wave by my own responsibilities, I felt like I was drowning, and I couldn't figure out how to survive the school semester. I couldn't keep up with everything. No longer was I living, but I was fighting to survive.
I was flailing in the midst of a storm, wishing to be done, and only able to struggle to stay afloat till the semester ended.
Once the semester ended, I got to reflect over the Fall semester during my break (which man, was an amazing break). I realized that although many of the organizations and communities I had taken up were good, I had ended up spreading myself too thin. My life became like a rubber string - each activity or organization I took on would add different amounts of tension in different phases of the semester.
Though each bit of tension was micro and healthy, especially in the beginning, when combined altogether (especially in the rough seasons of the semester), oh man, I felt myself almost break several times.
There was nothing wrong with the things I was doing, or the people I met. Rather, I enjoyed getting to meet new people, and each added activity brought about a new thrill to my life. But while I loved all the friends and co-workers I met during the time and wanted to devote all my effort into the responsibilities I was given, I found that it was harder to live intentionally with every single aspect of my life. Intentional conversation and fully committed responsibilities was, in fact, impossible.
For the first time in my life, as a self-proclaimed extrovert, I felt tired being with people. I needed space. Alone time.
With that, I find that this new semester gives an opportunity for me to change, not only to take a step back, but also to live more intentionally. I've had to quit a job and leave some organizations, which was definitely rough to experience, but in that process, I felt much freer. Being able to commit more time to certain organizations and spend quality time with others while balancing alone time to reflect has been good, and I look forward to what this semester and year has in store!
Hope you guys had a good break and are doing well, bearing through classes. I'm always blessed that you took time out of your day in order to go through my thoughts with me. My hope this semester is to incorporate more stories and share things that have happened in my life, rather than just my own thoughts. Not sure what that's going to look like, and I'll continue to put in a bit of reflection here and there, but can't (or maybe I can ._.) wait for what this semester has in store!
Anyways, thanks for reading, and hope you guys have a good week! See y'all in the next blog post. Ciao!